He's Back

I was at a wedding this week and got to meet lots of friends and old acquaintances. Many fond memories were recalled, and it felt like a magical evening.

A lot of those people remembered my father, who passed away young—just 44—about 15 years ago. They spoke of him with such joy and vivid recollections, showing how much he meant to them even after all these years.

These people were from his community, almost like family to him. I grew up with them—we

hung around together, sang songs, and shared moments of vulnerability. I can’t say I appreciated it much at the time, but over the years, I’ve come to realize its magnitude. And as a young, foolish teenager, I generally scoffed at it. But what once felt ordinary was actually something rare and beautiful.

During the dancing, I felt an overwhelming sense of gratitude to be part of this community, even though, admittedly, I don’t spend enough time there. It was a beautiful event, and I’m so glad I joined.

At one point, I noticed someone standing with his back toward me. And in a flash, I saw it—his stance, his beard, even the way he carried himself—it looked eerily like my father.

A sharp pain struck me, right in the center of my chest. I realized how much I miss my dad and how much of life he missed out on. I stood for what felt like an eternity, frozen, staring at this man’s back, letting myself imagine—just for a moment—that it really was him. That somehow, for the briefest of seconds, I could see my father again. And I savored it.

Then the man turned around, and in an instant, reality hit. But the pain lingered.

A few days later, I realized I might have been looking at it—backwards (pun intended)—the

wrong way. At first, I thought he was missing out on this beautiful wedding, and we were

missing him, and the pain that followed. But maybe this little story showed me he’s always been here. He’s experiencing it just as much as we are—just differently. He’s very much a part of this continuing story.

It’s not that he’s gone. He’s simply transitioned to another form of being and has been here all along. It’s just our limited perspective that only allows us to catch a glimpse of his back.

And oddly enough, that realization has given me comfort.

— איש